Ok, so I've heard so much about Grey's Anatomy from so many people. I broke down and added it to the Netflix list. I already knew I would love it, I mean so many people do. I tried to hold out against temptation because I know how I am. I can become so obsessed with TV, it's ridiculous. Especially now that I have a DVR, I record so much stuff. Anyway, I got off track there for a minute. My point... hold on, it's around her somewhere. Oh yeah, I love the show, but that's not even the point either.

We've only watched Season 1 Disc 1 so far. BTW, does anyone know what season is on now and when is season 2 coming out on DVD?

Ok, so anyway. In one of the episodes (forgive me if I get any of the facts wrong) Dr. Grey starts out kind of narrating about responsibility, but there's a comment that she makes towards the end that I just loved. Another doctor asks her if she's ok and she says something like "When did we become adults? and how do we make it stop"

If anyone can answer that question for me, specifically the part about making it stop, that would be GREAT! Because right about now this adulthood shit SUCKS!

Ok, so I this is a little late. I actually started this on Friday.

A letter to my oldest daughter:

Wow, I can't believe it's been 13 years since I began my life as a mother. It's been an amazing 13 years and I have cherished every moment of it. I remember when my mom used to tell me she loved me and I would say it back to her. Every once in awhile she would look at me as though she could see to the depths of my soul and she would tell me "You'll never know how much I love you." Ok, so I thought she was weird, I was like "yeah, ok mom". But 13 years ago today, I realized what she meant. You will never understand how much I love you until you have children of your own. You will love many people, in different ways, and some even very deeply, but the love you have for your children is like no other love you will ever experience. It was comforting to think back to when my mom would say those that to me and realize just what she meant by it, to know that I was loved as much as I now love you. I never thought about the love I have for you before I had children. It wasn't something I could ever have possible understood even existed. Once I felt that, I couldn't imagine ever loving someone that much. But I did, I love your brother and sister just like that too. But it's different with each one of you. For you, you were my first born, there will never ever be another first born for me. I was able to love you selfishly for the first 18 months of your life. I didn't have to share you with anyone. As hard as it was to be a single parent, I cherish that time when it was you and I. Then I got to share you with your father, I didn't realize how much I wanted someone to share your achievements with. It was so much fun to be able to tell him what new thing you did and know and be able to see that he was every bit as excited about it as I was. My love for you only grew from being able to share that with someone else. You and I have a special bond, I hope you understand how much you mean to me even though I know that won't be possible until you have that love for a child. May you live the life you dream of baby. You truly are a unique young lady and I love you so very much. Happy Birthday!

After 11 months of seperation he still wants to get back together. Today we were discussing a few childcare issues and my inability to place my kids in childcare while they are with me. It's not a big problem right now because my mom watches them for me. Anyway, he pops off and says "That's why we should've worked it out". It makes me so sad every time he says something about it, which isn't very often anymore, but still. I know I made the right choice for me, but he is having a hard time letting go. I'm not sure why, probably an accumilation of things, but it made me cry when he said that. I don't like knowing how much I've hurt him and I don't want to continue to hurt him by having to discuss it, so I just didn't say anything. I wish he would move on but I know it's hard.

I've had a really bad headache for 3 days, my neck hurts, I'm exhausted, and I started.